Ross turns 40 tomorrow.

Well, I suppose you think I should say "would have turned", since he died in May 2008.  But I cannot think of him in the past tense; in fact when people ask what family I have, I always just say, I have three sons, and no I do not then go on to explain that one has died.  I still have three sons, just that one of them is not here any more.

Anyway, to get back to the birthday.  It seemed terrible to let his 40th go unmarked, so we are planning a celebration one evening (not tomorrow), going out to dinner with about a dozen of his closest friends, in Sydney at his favourite restaurant.  His closest friend is flying down from Queensland for the occasion, his best mate dating from schooldays is leaving his own restaurant in a country town even though it is a Saturday night, and others have cancelled plans so as to be there.

As a carer, I struggled with how much I should tell Don, and have not told him about it yet.  He simply can't attend, it is just not possible.  And it seems cruel to tell him about it and that I'm going but he won't be there.

But I do hate this sort of secrecy and keeping him in the dark. So finally decided that I will tell him all about it -- except, I won't say that I myself am going.  Just that all Ross's friends are going out to celebrate the birthday, and what the arrangements are.  I know he will be terribly pleased that they are doing this, and greatly touched too.

I suppose the really loving (and honest) thing for me to do would be exactly what I just said -- ie, organise it all for the others but not go myself.  But alas, I am not so unselfish.

In case you have forgotten, here is a photo of Ross: